In this article we will talk about certain strategies to clear your mind. These tactics aim to improve your attitude, remove yourself from toxic relationships, and rid yourself of negative habitual thought processes. Take into account that we are not writing to you as professional therapists, but rather from our own experience. That being said, this is an imperfect and informal list; a compilation of friendly advice, so to speak.
Everyone is familiar with having toxic thoughts from time to time. An important aspect of preventing such thoughts is identifying what kind of thoughts they are. The first step in solving any problem is becoming aware of it. Discovering what kind of thinking is destructive is an individual journey, varying from person to person. Nevertheless, there are certain common external factors that trigger anxious thinking. These include major life transitions, uncertainty and the feeling of stagnancy.
No matter what’s causing the toxic thoughts, a change in perspective and a proactive attitude can be enough to change a negative situation into a positive one. Here are our tips for developing and maintaining a healthy mental state.
Living in the Internet Age is a blessing and a curse. While information, and thus knowledge, is more readily available than ever before, the constant accessibility that characterizes our lives makes it hard to escape. Having friends and colleagues be able to instantly contact you may be convenient, but it is also distressing and distracting. Having a clear and focused mind is extremely difficult when there is always the possibility of receiving a phone call, a new notification, or e-mail. There’s a simple enough solution: spend some time every day completely disconnected. This means turning off your wifi, your phone, and your thoughts.
We know what you’re thinking: “I could stay away from these distracting devices without physically turning them off”. However, it’s no comment on your self-control to flip the off switch. Simply knowing that the endless stream of activity has ceased, if only for a moment, can work wonders on your mental clarity. This practice of a daily pause from being online will help to soothe your nerves and also bring you more in touch with yourself. Think of it as “me time”.
Disconnecting during the night is just as important as retreating during the day. It’s important to feel fully at peace while preparing yourself for rest and sleep. This means, when you are about to get into bed, unplugging all unnecessary devices. Eliminate electronic smog by making sure not to keep your laptop next to your bed and to turn your phone onto sleep mode. It’s much harder to relax knowing that activity is still occurring online.
Drinking that coffee or energy drinks may help awaken your mind, but the lingering effects can leave you jittery and unfocused. What’s more, your initial stimulant high is inevitably followed by a crash (feelings of fatigue and lack of motivation). A quick fix is to trade in your coffee for a hot cup of ginger tea or green tea.
Stress has psychosomatic manifestations, particularly in the form of nervous ticks. Almost everyone has one, whether they’re aware of it or not. Recognizing your nervous tick and then trying to refrain yourself from doing it can help relieve the underlying toxic thoughts causing it. Common nervous ticks include nail biting, teeth grinding, jaw clenching, hair twirling, tight fists, restless legs – the list goes on and on. While these habits may feel involuntary, making yourself conscious of them will remind you to relax.. Try substituting the toxic habit with a deep breath.
Sometimes the root of toxic thinking is the monotony of life itself. Day to day routines can become stagnant and can leave you feeling disinterested. When you feel you’ve hit a dead end, it’s easy to bring yourself down with thoughts of self-defeat and boredom. However, in my experience, boredom is the product of the mistrust of your own capacity. Take initiative and make changes. The best way to prevent this feeling is to challenge yourself and push yourself out of your comfort zone. Start a new hobby, begin a new physical activity, or approach your ever-day from a perspective you find meaningful.
Life is random. That is one of the only things I can be sure of. Often, no matter how much you prepare, the plan goes right out the window. Trying to have too much control over how things pan out will only lead to feelings of helplessness and frustration. Instead, next time something doesn’t go according to plan, try to look at it with a sense of humor and then adapt to it.
When something is a little bit stressful, it can easily escalate into something that is extremely stressful. Likewise, sometimes something that makes you a little nervous can turn into a full-blown anxiety attack. Stress and anxiety are states of mind that are prone to spinning out of control. I believe this is because both lead to over-thinking and melodrama.
When you’re stressed or anxious, you’re generally either over analyzing a past event or predicting the worst for a future one. In other words, you’re not in the present. All of us as human beings experience these emotions and that is why it is wise to equip yourself with some self-soothing techniques to bring yourself back. The goal of being able to self-soothe is to stop these feelings before they intensify. You want keep yourself in the driver seat of your own thoughts.
Honestly, in our opinion, there is no set rule book on how to go about calming yourself down. Despite that, there are some tried and true methods that usually help.
Learning your own limits is a way of developing self-respect. It’s important to ask yourself: am I really okay with this? Yes, often it is good to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but that is a radically different practice than forcing yourself to do something that is distressing for you or that diminishes your self-confidence.
Boundary setting includes staying true to yourself: don’t succumb to peer pressure or buckle under a social stigma. In the same vein, it also involves being able to say no to other people. Often we say “Yes” when we really mean “No”, because we see the word no as an act of aggression. We misjudge the social price we will pay for refusing to do a favor for someone. More likely than not, if you have the ability to politely but confidently turn someone down, they will respect you more for it.
Being able to forgive is a sign of mental strength. The alternative is holding on to a grudge. Whether you’re upset because of a mistake you made or because of something someone did to you, holding on to it only breeds bitterness. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t recognize and express what made you upset and try to grow from it. The point is that forgiveness is a healing process.
In terms of forgiving yourself, it helps to see your mistakes as learning opportunities. Of course, oftentimes, being the imperfect human beings that we are, we tend to repeat the same mistakes more than a couple times. Don’t be too hard on yourself for this. Every single one of us has our faults and being too harsh on yourself only hinders your ability to change.
In terms of forgiving others, it’s important to remember that forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. Just because you have forgiven someone, does not mean that you have to pretend that what they did to hurt you never happened. It simply means that you are not going to let it affect you anymore. A good way to think about it is that when someone betrays your trust, instead of brooding and broiling about their betrayal, you simply lower your expectations of them until they prove you otherwise. At the end of the day forgiving is about giving power back to yourself.
There are times, when unfortunately a relationship runs its course and two people have to part ways. This applies to both romantic relationships and friendships. Deep down, you already know which relationships in your life are having a toxic effect on you, but more often than not, its very complicated and emotional attachment gets in the way.
It’s extremely hard, but saying goodbye to these kinds of relationships will leave you in a better place. A toxic relationship is characterized by manipulation, disrespect, negativity, and an unhealthy state of dependency. Being honest with these people in your life not only helps you but also helps them to reevaluate their own lives. Protecting yourself and acting in your own interests is not cruel! One of the keystones of happiness is surrounding yourself by positive people, who challenge you to be a better person.
Finally, and probably most importantly, express yourself. In our opinion, self-expression is the most vital component of mental health. Often, the best way to let go of a toxic feeling is to let it out: by crying, by singing, by talking, or by journaling.
We’ll end talking a bit more about journaling, because we do believe that it helps you to achieve all of the other mental health detox tricks. There are countless benefits to journaling. To name a few: capturing memories, getting to know yourself better, working out problems, and gaining wisdom. Even if you just jot down a memorable activity you did each day, it’s better than writing down nothing at all. Even years later if you re-read these simple daily entries it will help bring you back to how you were feeling at that time and it will give you perspective on how you have grown emotionally. Another good way to understand the value of journaling is that nobody knows your problems better than you do. If you scribble down a stream of consciousness and frustration surrounding a certain issue, you may feel a weight has been lifted. What’s more, if you come back to that entry a few days later, once time has allowed for some perspective, you may even be able to resolve the issue at hand
Every Storm Cloud has a Silver Lining: We know you may have scoffed at many points while reading this, but the cheesiness in this article is fully intentional. If you’re wondering: “how am I possibly supposed to follow every single suggestion in this article?”, the answer is: you’re not supposed to. And even those suggestions that you do keep in mind, tailor them to your personal preferences.
written by Emma Stern and Ruth Labes
Photo credit: Davies Designs
Tags: Detox
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